I am suddenly realizing everything. Everything falls into place. May be it was just infatuation. Or may be just the lack of something else to do. Anyway it is passé, especially since my bday, I always thought it could be either of the two things, one- that I was actually in love and bull shit, two- that it was just the need of the age, u see ..just like wanting a first rank, a good engineering college, a good job etc. The strange part is that it started for me before anyone else, I refused it, I thought it was something taboo and not to be done, since no one else was doing it. Haha! But now everyones hooked, me left out! Actually today marks the day that I am officially the last of my ‘Kind’ to remain Single! Sometimes it is sad, actually very sad, but I am seriously in no mood of getting hooked to any of the guys they are showing me! Man! are you serious! I can’t even imagine a conversation.

Strangely I always was the ‘Rab ne bana di Jodi’ and ‘Vivah’ believer, but now I know that it is nice only because of Shah rukh and Shahid J as lame as it may sound. May be all the shit was for a reason or no reason at all, who knows? God? Since childhood I lived with the fear of God! Now I am a little free I think, may be it is a bad thing, considering the fact that there are other more dangerous things that can happen to people, I agree! And that’s precisely the reason why the belief is still there. But I see some unfair things happening around me, ( or things that I think are unfair for the moment), like a girl like ‘a’ who was nothing ,when I mean nothing ..i mean nothing! Gets a beautiful family!

My parents are sad, so eventually that makes me sad.They think that it is my poor career that brings bad grooms for a happy life, or now even my age J. What can I do? I did not think in the first place ‘of a career’ when I was studying + did not think that where I work will affect my ‘Groom quality’+ that by this age I should ne engaged or married+ all of my friends will be by then.

We never get to know these things in life? Will there be anyone to tell us all these things? There should be actually. Why does god exist then? I know that I do not have any major problems or issues in life, I lead a very good, healthy life! Thanks to God! Yes I am thank full for all the family health. But deep down inside I know that I am good, capable and looneys around me are doing good y? I don’t just mean marriage..the things on my bucket list, eg- Flying abroad- I don’t see that happening , but a colleague from my own sucky company went! Is that strange. Friends around me again loonies are getting grooms!

These things are worrying me lately. Whom to ask? Bloody hell of a sister I have..I do not understand is her not being at home is what makes me jealous or the very fact that she has so many friends? Just like the Jaane tu ya jaane na case. So the problems I have right now are, Need to change job, Fly, Make parents proud, That, marriage, Her, hmmmm that’s al! That’s all ? that is pretty much everything! Haha..but one thing i have is family health. I will not blame god for it. But if you exist please show me the direction to solve any of the above problems. Writing will not help I know. But I just read that book and it inspired me to write , so here I am.

I used to write it in a diary before, but now is the time for blogging. My secret blog almost speaks my heart!